One day you have a brand new, scrunched up and pink newborn baby. You are given this beautiful and noisy little gift and that baby will change your life forever. There are many different milestones that every parent has to deal with, but letting your children go out into the world? That’s the scariest - and it doesn't happen when they’re 18 and go off to college.
The first moment you allow your children to leave your side is at the very beginning, when they’re in preschool. That moment your tiny little child walks into the new school room with a bag that’s too big on their back? That’s a terrifying and heartbreaking moment. You panic about how they will recognize their name, and how they will manage new children, and what if they miss you? There are questions running around your head, valid ones and you’ll have no way of answering any of those questions, too. Children need to grow up, and here’s how you let them do it.
Treat them like you trust them. From preschool age to teenagers, children will only feel confident letting go of you if you make them feel that way. You have to get them to feel comfortable letting go and that means treating them like you trust that they can do it - whatever it is. Whether it’s trusting them to manage themselves in preschool or trusting them to go out after school with friends, you have to trust your children, and make them feel confident in that trust.
Be gradual when giving them freedom. Children need to be allowed out into the world, and that means that you have to think about letting them go just a little bit - and then a little bit more. Start with allowing your child to go to the corner shop to buy the paper. Walk the route to the shop with them. Then walk them halfway to the shop. Then pick them up on their way back. All of these little things are ways that you can trust that they know their way and it allows you to gradually give them more freedom.
Be open minded. It’s very easy to be rigid in your parenting and that can impact how your children feel trusted and let go in the future. Many of us tend to follow our parents' parenting, and so you have to keep an open mind and evolve with the times. You need to be okay with saying yes to their freedom, and be open minded about it happening so that you can give your children enough rope that they are still attached to you, but not too close.
Communicate. Talk to your preschooler about how to find their coat peg, and talk to your teenager about the dangers of going to the movies alone. There are so many ways that you can help your children, but you have to communicate with them! You can feel happier letting your kids grow up when you communicate.
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