Friday, May 27, 2011

A Crazy Week

Whew.  I have been wanting to write for a while, but had a crazy week.  This week was clinicals for the CNA course I was in, Xander had his first double ear infection, and I was staying at my dad's house every night.  Therefore, no sleep and no time to write.

I feel like in the five days away from my baby, he grew SO much.  We have pretty much done away with the sippy cup.  We have been using an open cup, which I hold.  He does amazing!  He still spills a lot when he tries to talk while drinking, but can drink without spilling a drop if he stays quiet.  Xander now grabs my hands while sitting and pulls himself up to standing, whether I want him to or not.  Today he started taking teeny tiny baby steps while hanging on to my fingers!  There were very few steps and they didn't produce much movement, but I still almost cried with pride.  (However, I still think he needs to learn to crawl first!)

Yesterday I watched Xander for a little bit while he was in his crib.  He was on his tummy and playing with a toy.  I couldn't believe how well he held himself up with one arm while manipulating the toy with the other!  Just last week he would have done many many face plants into the mattress to try to manipulate the toy.  It reminds me that I don't want to miss a minute because who knows what I will be missing!

On a related note, some of the people in my class, including the instructor, were telling me I should go back to med school like I had originally planned (pre Josh).  They couldn't understand why in the world I would ever want to "throw away" the opportunity if I was capable.  My response was that at the end of my life, when I look back, I will not regret not having become a doctor that much.  However, I would regret not spending every minute I could with my child (hopefully children).   I will never be rich, I won't have a huge house, fancy cars, or exotic vacations.  Regardless, I think my life will have much more meaning as a mother, a role I don't think I could play well as a full time single mother and med student.  It may be the "right" choice for some, but not for me.  I have made my peace with letting go of that lifelong dream in favor of the much more powerful dream.

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